Asymmetric

Obama slays another reporter.

Chris Matthews caused a stir during Obama's press conference yesterday when White House security escorted an obviously embarrassed and open-flyed Chris Matthews from the White House West Wing briefing room.

Security spokesperson Wendy Drone explained that Helen Thomas was getting ready to ask a question when Chris Matthews began to bother her with a rapid arm movement. Already annoyed at having to take her eyes off of Obama, Thomas reacted with annoyance as she looked over and noticed Matthews' obviously "self-thrilling" himself.

"I don't blame him, and I don't think there's anything wrong with what he did, but he wasn't allowing me to take notes on Obama. What Obama says is important. He was the editor of the Harvard Law Review!"

Matthews was interviewed later about the affair and at first denied that he had done anything inappropriate, insisting that his pen ran out of ink and was trying to scratch out a few more drops [of ink] so that he could record Obama's advice on anti-flu hygiene.

After failing to explain why he had brought a towel to the Press Room, Matthews finally admitted that he had found Obama overwhelming intellectualism, sexy, in an "ironically animal way."

"I dare you to stand within ten feet of that magnificent man and not reach for anything."

Matthews went on to say that this is one area where female reporters have a distinct advantage because of their ability to be more discreet and that "it's not my fault I'm a man."

The press room applauded Matthews as he left, with many reporters tearfully thanking Matthews for having the courage to do what they were all thinking. Others expressed approval for the way Matthews took on a societal taboo:

"There's nothing wrong with what he did. It's natural, just like breathing or breast feeding, and we should applaud, not criticize Chris Matthews," said National Self-love Association spokesman Sean Funan.

...will "uphold our values"** the next time we have a terrorist mastermind with information on an impending attack that can save thousands of people is in custody.

**Non-harsh interrogation methods were declared a non-American value in 2003. Roosevelt, Truman, Reagan, Kennedy, Lincoln, and Washington may have acceded to making a spy or other unlawful combatant uncomfortable by holding his face, depriving him of sleep, or dunking his head under water.

I interrupt my blogging vacation (I'll be back tomorrow or Friday) for this important announcement. One of my first blogging buddies, Flag Gazer, wants us to help Susan Porcello win the AMW All Star contest. I don't know anything about Ms. Porcello except what's on the web page, but if Gazing says she's OK, that's good enough for me. I generally think that we should honor this kind of sacrifice than, say, not working for a corporation to organize a community (to shake down the corporation that you didn't work for). You can vote for her here.

I followed my friend Tom's advice and spent some time with my kids this weekend. After we introduced ourselves to each other, we talked about some fascinating things for which my kids curiously couldn't summon much enthusiasm: SEO, pagerank, sitemeter, the future of the Republican party. They tried, selfishly in my opinion, to talk to me about some of the things they care about. My son plays baseball somewhere. My other son babbled something about interlocking plastic pieces and apparently there's a game out there called "Yu Gi Oh.". My daughter won something at school or maybe got kicked out...I don't know, but either way, it wouldn't have made a good post.

My wife mentioned leaving, but I think she just meant that she was going to the mall.

Really, it was one of the best weekends of my life for its complete relaxation and lack of drama. My wife was in a state of euphoria conducting her garage sale, and when she's happy, I'm able to do other stuff. My kids were relatively nice. Technology-wise, it was a winning week, with successful upgrades and a new phone and computer in the home. Entertainment-wise, I watched a few episodes of Firefly.

Firefly - The Complete Series

I performed two works of techity (technology charity); I fixed one of my students' computers and gave another one that I had in the garage to another student so that she can do my homework.

I was a man in a complete state of peace. Which usually means that I should prepare for some kind of problem soon. As Solomon said, "This too shall pass." Far be it for me to add something to the wisest man in the world, but I will anyways: it's not a good idea to get too up or down and never, ever, get complacent. When things are going well, that's when you have to work hardest to keep things going.

One thing I didn't do is blog. I don't know if you know what I mean, but I have so many things to write about, including some thoughts on the things above, that I freeze when I approach the keyboard and wish to avoid the computer altogether, which I'll do for a couple of days.

Thrifty, Montgomery Wards, Webvan, I've seen businesses that I frequented go out of business before, but Circuity City hurt. I moonlighted with Circuit City for almost two years, during its reformation, the time when it went from paying its salespeople commission to paying them an hourly wage-- it was an exciting time, if not exactly profitable: I made frequent use of my at-cost employee discount (cables are marked up a bunch. batteries, not so much. If I didn't have kids, I'd still have my Polk speakers).

That red dot provided me with some good memories.

Even without my emotional attachment, I always like CC better than BB (Best Buy). Like Target in relation to Wal Mart, CC had a more intimate atmosphere, more personable.

The 68 Pontiac Firebird is one of the best-looking metal things man has ever created.

My mechanical genius brother has been a Pontiac guy since the seventies. Of those that I can remember, he's had 67 (still does), 68, 69, 73, 74, 79, and 82 Firebirds and a couple of GTOs before settling for a Corvette in 2004.

The most I've ever bonded with my brother, if fact, was when I purchased my first car, a 94 Firebird (a ridiculous automobile in many ways). We went over the color; he monitored its progress when I crashed it, twice.

Anyways, as the economy gets worse, I'm sure many people will be reminiscing about their favorite companies.