Asymmetric Military

My SINGLE Biggest Problem
By Susan Sponable

Alright, I'm going to warn any married readers of this article that I do not mean to offend them in any way by what I am about to write about. That being said, I truly feel like I am being discriminated against in the military, and life in general, because I am NOT married, and have chosen to be single.

I usually don't focus on this facet of my life, but today I was, again, confronted with this issue. The problem came when I attempted to find some housing on my new permanent duty stations base. I first called lodging, which is usually the single person's home, and was told that the Army would only pay for 10 days of lodging. After that, I would be required to have some place to stay. This gave me some hope that I would not be living in the Army's equivalent of a Motel 6 for the next three years.

I then asked the front desk attendant if she had the phone number to housing. She said that she didn't, but she said that she had the info line's phone number. I then called the info line. This was when I was blatantly reminded of my singleness.

The phone conversation went something like this:

"Hello," -phone attendant

"Yes, my name is Lt. Sponable, and I am looking for the housing phone number."-me

"Why"- and yes she did ask why- attendant

"Well, I will be reporting into the base in the next month or two, and need to get a hold of housing to see about accommodations."- Me

"Are you a single soldier?" -the nosy attendant

"Yes, if you must know." - I said very frankly

"Well, I don't think you're going to need housing. That's just not the way we do things here. Housing is usually
for people with dependants (i.e. married or with kids). What you are probably going to need to do is just report in, and you're new duty station will assign you to the barracks?" -attendant

"I really don't think you heard me right. I am not a single private. I am a single Lt. I don't think I'll be staying in the barracks with the other enlisted single privates." -me

"Oh, I think you will be. All single soldiers stay in the barracks. There really quite nice. They were just remodeled."- The attendant.

At this point I was quite irritated with the info attendant. I knew that she didn't know what she was talking about, and was giving me false information. I then tried to end the conversation with a serious of, "well, thanks for your time, and have a nice day," but this did not deter her. She proceeded to try, and reassure me, as I think she thought I was concerned about being homeless, which I wasn't.

What I was concerned about was getting the housing phone number from her, and getting off the phone with her. Every minute I continued to talk with her, was another moment that she continued to remind me of how undervalued I was to the military, and life in general, because I was single. Arrg!

After about 10 minutes of continual banter about "how great barracks life was," she finally gave in and gave me the housing dept's. phone number. My mission still continues however because I was only able to leave a phone number and message. Ironically, I did not leave a part in the message about being single. When and if, I get a call back I will probably have to face the single factor again. I will have to face another battery of questions about my singleness.

Here's my main gripe, and point of this whole story. Is being single really so bad? I don't think so. I enjoy being single. I like having the freedom to go, do, and say whatever I like. Sure I get lonely every so often, but isn't that what a boyfriend is for. Besides, I see the married couples in the military having so many problems. I don't know if I'm ready for those problems quite yet, and if I see being married as a "problem," doesn't that say something about my impression of marriage. I guess maybe I need some time to warm up to the idea. Maybe in the future…..we'll see, but until then I sure would like to be treated better.

I don't want to be forced into getting married, just so I can actually have a decent place to live. That is not fair. It's also not fair that, if what the info lady said is true, that I should be forced into, "single barracks." I did not work my ass off to be treated, and housed unfairly. Truly, being single is one of my SINGLE greatest problems.