Asymmetric Military

I'll review the show on Wednesday after my test, but I'll respond to this letter today I read in this week's issue of the Army Times today. In it, an an Army Wife expresses her displeasure at Army Wives, a show on Lifetime(!) for not portraying the lives of real-life Army wives accurately. She's shocked. Shocked! that a Soap Opera on Lifetime is more concerned about drama than the accurate portrayal of the Army wife lifestyle.

I don't mean to be harsh with Mrs. Franz who I'm sure is a nice woman and an exemplary Army wife. But television shows of this type exist to present dramatic situations. As laudable as home-schooling is, I'm sure most women prefer to see a show where the characters fall in love with men other than their husbands, cat around in "Jody bars," and face domestic violence than a mother dutifully cutting up paper pizzas to teach fractions. Really, can anybody think of a television drama without some elements of conflict? Can anybody think of dramas geared towards the fairer sex without at least a hint of scandal?

Which brings me to my next point. Nobody respects Soldiers and their wives more than me. My own wife dutifully held the fort for a full year and a half in my absence. But, we should avoid the temptation to be self-righteous. Most people in the Army are wonderful spouses, but the type of misbehavior portrayed in Army Wives isn't rare. Unfortunately, both husbands and wives (and boyfriends and girlfriends) cheat, max credit cards, and otherwise act in a shameful manner. I've seen it-often.

So, while Mrs. Franz is correct, Army Wives is correct as well. It's proper to support the brave, admirable men and women who sacrifice their time as a family, their money, and sometimes, their health, to serve their country, but it would be wrong to create a sort of reverse political correctness whereby military personnel are beyond reproach.

Catherine Bell of Army Wives Yes, Army Wives are sexy.

Below is the article

Follow up:

‘Army wives’ far from reality

This Army wife calls salacious TV show a slap in the face
By Victoria A. Franz -
Posted : June 25, 2007

As an Army wife, I waited with bated breath to view the first episode of the new Lifetime series “Army Wives.” My mind was abuzz with all the trials and tribulations that surely must be touched upon in such a series. Finally a drama would capture the essence of the military spouse, the sacrifices, the sorrows, the courage and the triumph of some of the strongest people I know.

With such a small population of the country affiliated with the military and an even smaller population truly concerned with the unpublished toils of the war on terrorism, I yearned for the credibility this show was destined to bring to military spouses.

I looked forward to the same sense of belonging and understanding that as an emergency room nurse I felt when I watched NBC’s “ER.”

What I witnessed twice (I had to watch the encore just to assure myself I had not misinterpreted what I was seeing) was the utter degradation and humiliation of Army spouses everywhere. Shame on Lifetime, and shame on Tanya Biank, author of the book on which the series is based.

My comrades-in-arms were portrayed as bar-hopping adulteresses, snobby officer-wife shrews, rumor-spreading, uneducated, uncouth, abused women living on a post as made up as Wisteria Lane from “Desperate Housewives.”

Who gets housing the very day they arrive on a post? And I don’t care how high ranking a sponsor is — no child is getting a sports physical on the fly in the emergency room.

The Army wives I have had the pleasure to know over the years have been smart (either formally educated or simply common-sense smart), strong-willed, hard-working and dedicated.

There have been a few exceptions — just as in any society — but as a general rule, Army wives are down-to-earth, good people.

What I was hoping to see through Hollywood’s eyes were family readiness groups struggling to create events to foster camaraderie among those left behind, broken phone trees due to phones being cut off, empty base houses from families packing up and moving while the service member deploys, and the impact such mass exoduses have on local businesses.

I hoped Lifetime could capture the endless labor of love that volunteer spouses pump into the military community. I also hoped Lifetime could reveal the secret as to where these extraordinary women and men get the energy to keep giving. Some of these career volunteers have more get-up-and-go than the Energizer bunny.

I envisioned America seeing a young military spouse delivering her child alone because she went into labor three days before her spouse’s R&R and developing empathy for her plight, as well as that of the thousands of women who have delivered alone.

I hoped to see the families that, despite numerous moves, try to create continuity among their children’s education through home-schooling. I longed to see a storyline created around the unexpected friendships that form among people from different geographical locations, races and cultures.

I hoped to find in any one of the characters just a little piece of me — a woman with a career who is under pressure day in and day out to support my spouse, meet the demands of my job, keep up the house, the yard and the bills, attend college, shuffle kids from place to place, and try to attend every possible school function for all three children to prevent anyone from feeling neglected.

I wanted America to see the true struggles and strength of our Army wives.

Lifetime’s depiction forgot about the tears late at night when no one is looking and the spouses who get up dozens of times every night to check the doors to make sure they are locked. Where were the children who watch the Elmo video over and over again and sleep with mommy or daddy nightly because they are afraid the service member will not come home?

More credibility would have gone into a story about the battalion commander’s wife (or family readiness leader) getting a call from a wife who has no money because her husband controls the funds and left her only minimal money to cover necessities while he was deployed. How about a story about the spouse who enters a store and gets an unexpected discount from a supportive business due to her husband’s service? A tale of such kindness and its impact would surely strike a chord.

What about scenarios in which the child of a military member is denied playing time on a team or denied scholarship opportunities due to moving late in his high school career?

Depictions of the pain and helplessness an Army wife and mother feels when she cannot control or fix everything are much more realistic than a military wife secretly delivering someone else’s (surrogate) babies on a pool table.

I am proud to be an Army wife and saddened that many Americans will develop misconceptions about Army wives based on this television series. We may as well hang up our hats and open the door to stereotypes and criticism.

The “Army Wives” that Lifetime offered to America appear desperate for a follow-on assignment to Wisteria Lane. After just one episode, I say it is time for the packers.

The writer has been married to Maj. Pete Franz for 19 years and has been an Army wife for 16 years. She is the mother of three teenagers (one of whom is headed for a service academy this summer), a veteran and acting head nurse of a primary care clinic at Dwight D. Eisenhower Army Medical Center, Ga.