Politics and Culture

In my UCLA, agnostic, single, hip hop (I went to a Public Enemy concert), Ross Perot voting days, I listened to Howard Stern. It was about the same time as his abortive run for New York governor when his platform had all of three planks- reinstating the death penalty, staggering tolls to reduce traffic congestion, and doing all road repairs at night. I also remember him railing against illegal immigration, affirmative action, welfare, and political correctness in general. He reserved some fire for religion, goodie-two-shoeness (Kathy Gifford), and, recently, the Iraq war.

Sounds like a Libertarian, right? Well, no. Howard Stern wasn't a Libertarian because Libertarians have an ideology. Howard Stern's politics were what he saw around him. If somebody offended him, like Bush with his FCC fines, he'd vote Kerry out of spite.

John Kobylt and Ken Chiampou propagate the Howard Stern philosophy in Los Angeles on KFI 640AM. They hate both parties, the DMV, and roll their eyes when people talk about religion (or criticize it). John and Ken don't care about immigration, one of their favorite topics, in the way Pat Buchanan does- as a threat to America's European heritage. Neither do they get misty-eyed at the Statue of Liberty. They simply see illegal aliens causing trouble and wonder why people think it's such a complicated matter.

We'll call the millions of people who listen to Stern, Kobylt, Chiampou, and others with the above philosophy, the "Howard Stern Voter" (HSV).

The HSV prefers Gizmodo to the Daily Kos or the Corner. He's neither blissfully ignorant or apathetic- he gets angry and he votes. The HSV has such low standards for politicians that sex scandals roll off the HSV's back. The HSV doesn't look to politicians for inspiration.

Everybody in my family except me, a "principled conservative," is a Howard Stern voter.

The question we have to discuss today is: "Which of the candidates will get this voter?"

Barack Obama is currently popular with independents because they think that Obama will cut through the "partisan bickering," an attractive proposition for the non-ideological voter who just wants things to "work." But, that may not last. When one pays attention to him for more than two minutes, Barack Obama, with his calls for "involvement," naive foreign policy, and exhortations to hope, sets off a BS detector at 100 yards and is not the first person the HSV would choose (Why do you think Obama does well with college students and latte-liberals who spend 40% of their waking life talking about "issues?") A HSV doesn't want Obama interrupting his football game or bar-b-que for a "hope" public service announcement.

Hillary isn't much better. She only appeals to angry Democrats who loved the way her husband beat up on Republicans.**

Before we get to McCain, let me say that the HSV is why Romney couldn't get independent votes. With his anti-Jihad, family unity, and societal "greatness," Romney was the kind of religious apple-polisher the HSV finds obnoxious.

So, McCain is probably the winner here. He's religious, but never talks about it. He wants to reduce annoying government, an appealing issue for the HSV, and McCain will have their back on terror. On the last point, McCain needs to be careful not to venture into "crusader" territory. The War on Terror's aim is to keep one safe, not to promote democracy, beat back the forces of intolerance, or anything "transcendent."

What's a good strategy for McCain against Obama in the HSV sweepstakes? Let's look at health care: First, the HSV already has health care. McCain needs to get across the point that big government health care will be like their kids' wasteful public school or, again, the DMV. McCain should ask the HSV, "Why should you pay more for less?"

**I asked my friend about Stern's preference this year and he said that Stern chose Clinton, but only because she's from New York and, with her husband, is a "two for one" deal. I'm not changing my argument for that.**