Politics and Culture

I'm Barack Obama. America's a country that's broken and bitter- one that needs somebody to transform it into France. My mom raised me until she wanted to pursue what I think is a birthright and as important as raising me, graduate school. She left me with my grandparents, two typical white people as racist as "typical" implies.

I went to the same kind of elite private school that I'd never help poorer American students attend for fear of angering teachers' unions. They taught me values strait from the Kansas heartland- values reinforced later in my life by Weather Underground radical William Ayers and Afrocentric preacher Jeremiah Wright.

Among those values are "accountability" like accepting that sometimes houses go down in value and "self-reliance" which is why I constantly keep promising that the government will take care of your every need. Patriotism? Hey, I'm all about patriotism.

Working hard is important. Just look at all of the legislation I've proposed. And I never make excuses for my rejection of public financing or support of controversial political figures. I treat my neighbors like I like to be treated- I'd love for somebody to comb through my petitions for office and disqualify signatories for printing their name.

I actually had to work while I was in college! I passed up wall street jobs because I wanted to be president and felt that my experience "organizing" communities (asking for money) would make a good ad some day. I helped neighborhoods devastated when steel plants closed. Now, inner city Chicago is one of the most desirable places to live in America.

I co-sponsored legislation that limited the time people can stay on welfare while giving other people welfare in the form of an earned income tax credit.

I offered two minor amendments to a defense bill that I wasn't present to vote for.

So, just forget about my dissing of flag pins and pledges of allegiance; my associations with America-hating preachers and terrorists; my psychoanalysis of rural conservatives and just think of me as patriotic. Whew! Get me some listerine! Do you think they bought it?