Comrade Chad

Above is Keith Olbermann's analysis of the Brown-Coakley race. Of course, the corporate powers at MSNBC, one of whose founding members provided ball bearings made from Native American teeth to the Nazis, won't let him expose the depth of the vile evil where Republicans wade before and after coming ashore to consume the oppressed and disenfranchised.

I, friends, have no such overlords and am thus free to bring you the unfiltered truth. I also do things cowards like Olbermann don't: I sent my friend Shaun forth amongst the human refuse present at today's Scott Brown rally. The good-hearted goof ended up trading his phone for some hemp products, but he swears that he took notes as carefully as he does in his psych class. Ha! As I suspected:

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Mother Earth shed a tear last week as Obama settled with the Enron and Hallibruton-controlled Chinese government to cap global warming at 2 degrees. My computer models (shareware. Registration [$29.99] allows one to predict polar bear population) say 2 degrees will flood non-aligned nation-of-color Tobago by 2050.

Obama should have stayed firm at 1.5 degrees, a rate that gives a progressive congress enough time to evacuate Central-American coastal cities.

It's just another example of how Obama's sold out to corporate piggies. A year into his presidency and countries like Venezuela and Iran (it was obvious that Obama's Norouz message was insincere) still don't trust us enough to stop their nuclear weapons program or defend their people's interests from foreign domination. Some AmeriKKKans still work for corporations and many kindergartners remain ignorant about the many ways in which people can express their sexual selves (you'd think America would finally shed it's Puritan consciousness!).

It's our fault (well, yours, I've been blogging about this for weeks). When we remain silent, unenlightenment floods the earth instead of our pure, loving illumination.

Comrade Chad here, spitting truth in your eye. Lot's of buzz from the hate-talkers (yeah! you, Nelson) about releasing the Libyan anti-imperialism activist, Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi (some of you pigs use only part of his name- that's wrong! Also, learn to pronounce it! I've been taking lessons from the dudes at the Free Palestine! movement here on campus).

I've been following the case on D...N!!! and the circumstances under which the Scots convicted Mr. Al Megrahi are suspicious: for example, we know that Mr. Al Megrahi was declared guilty on January 31, 2001. That's a full 11 days after Baby Satan's putsch. That would have given KKKarl Rove plenty of time to activate the Republican hate machine and pressure the Scots into doing the empire's bidding.

Even if Mr. Al Megrahi did assist in taking down the corporate-owned plane, doesn't evolution suggest that civilized people should show compassion to murderers? Haven't the most successful societies always had light sentences for men involved in man-made disasters? I know San Francisco has a very progressive justice system. I flew up there for an anti-globalization conference and everybody was very concerned about the reproductive rights of non-aligned sex workers. More so than in the fascist Irvine cul-de-sac where my dad lives.

Kenny MacAskill and RenaRF from the Daily Kos are right. Compassion has defined the Scottish people since the beginning of that great society. Think of the groundbreaking negotiations held by William Wallace with his English counterpart, Edward I, despite Edward's infamous homophobia. Think of the blows for tolerance struck by that Army of justice, Royal Scots Greys. The progressive philosophy of David Hume and Adam Smith.

Nobody except Chaos Kid from the Progressive Action Forum has mentioned the damage done to the environment from the CO2 emissions of huge airliners. Downing aircraft may even save lives in the long run, according to his iPhone app, Calculate Capitalist Damage.

Add the psychological impact of colonialism and living on the same planet as Sarah Palin and you have a lot of factors both calling into question Mr. Al Megrahi's "guilt" and mediating circumstances if he did strike a blow for his oppressed brothers.

Then, as always, there's right-wing hypocrisy. Let's say that Mr. Al Megrahi did assist in downing Pan Am flight 103: is that any worse than what George BeeazelBush did during his regime? Are the people of Libya any worse for welcoming their hero than the people of KKKrawford, Texas are for welcoming theirs? Compare below. Uncanny, isn't it?

Hero's welcome in Libya

President George W. Bush Homecoming in Crawfor Texas.

Chad in da' house! While Nelson is busy doing the man's bidding, I decided to take time from grading papers from my professor's social ecology class, and throw some knowledge at you. Who knows, maybe a little truth can seep into your cool-aid-logged brains?

Anyways:

I turned on some sporting event to gather notes on my next column in the series, Why Americans are Stupid Racists and Have a Lot to Learn From Venezuela. I gathered lots of material: the warlike chants, sheep-like adherence to civic and national pride, ignorance of American imperialism, commercialism, distraction from the plight of the uninsured. Interrupting this American carnival of depravity are consumerist propaganda called, innocently enough, "commercials" that tell people they smell bad, have rough skin from shaving, and need to buy products that drain our Mother of Her resources.

Most of them are only mildly fascist. One of them is quite shocking, however, even for someone as aware as myself of American depravity.

Observe:

The ad, for some corporation called "Heineken" (I only drink beers from unaligned nations) appears to be saying that women get excited over clothes while men have a similar reaction towards beer, a completely sexist notion. Bush! My male friends love nothing more than to spend an afternoon looking through Details and GQ and planning the season's wardrobe, while a lot of women I know throw down beers at the same clip that Dick Cheney killed innocent Iraqi babies (and good for them! women are finally showing that they can be as bold as any sex).

Then I noticed that the original commercial (above) was in German or something, "Hey, Europeans are enlightened. How can they stoop to American-style ignorance?" I thought.

Well, they don't. You see, the commercial is lampooning the idea that men and women would use house-space any differently, and Americans take it seriously. Ha! The jokes on you, homophobes! Witness this response:

You see, the men, in asserting sex differences, isolate themselves from mainstream society and lose out on what society has deemed "desirable females," just as Darwin points out.

It also suggests that men who have long hair and are cool are not homosexuals, unlike those who practice gender conformity.

Oh, and yes, I realize that nobody should have a large enough carbon footprint as to necessitate such a huge closet (I've converted my mom's walk-in closet into a classroom to teach local youth about the crimes commited in their name), but I'm not a fanatic.

Chad here. A shout-out to all the Obama nation- finally! We did it! Truth to power, baby. Hello to all you Asymmetric morons too. I'll go real slow so that your puny neocon brains can comprehend the truth that I'm puttin' down.

This week, Obama unshackled science from Christianist chains by allowing experimentation on fertilized eggs. Obama did draw the line at cloning. "Why not cloning?" you ask.

Well, how about because he's the smartest person in the world and has too much integrity to succumb to Christianist pressures?

Not good enough? Still fighting off the Republican lie machine, I see.

It so happens that the day before the announcement, I held a truth-in with the kids in my social ecology class. Yes, we discussed how corporations didn't want people to get well because health cuts into their drug profits and the Catholic Church gets the biggest tips during funerals, but we also got a little into cloning. Below's the relevant part (you can find the full transcript at wewantstuffandwewantyoutopayforit.com). Of course, we used only logic- no bronze age myths here:

Me: As long as the clone has the same rights as everybody else, cloning is OK. After all, don't clones deserve to love, marry, go to graduate school, and join the military just like anybody else? Besides, the non-original would add diversity to our conformist society.

Todd: But one of the reasons we need clones is for their medical value. If we don't use their parts, what good are they?

Me: Hmmm. Well, let's see. It's only bad to kill things after they're born, right? What if we consider the clone's cloning dock a sort of womb extension? He'd essentially be a large fetus.

Todd: OK. Good, but won't he feel bad that he's a second class citizen, even if he is a fetus. Clones cry.

Me: Yes. That's a terrible feeling. I think if you can lobotomize the clone so that he would have just enough mental functioning to support the organs or keep him in a frozen state so that he's never conscious, cloning's OK. An unconscious or severely mentally damaged person person won't know that he has no rights, like Terry Schivo. He also wouldn't miss an arm or a leg. He therefore wouldn't feel bad. No harm.

Todd: But there's the chance that he wakes up during the freezing process.

Me: I'm stumped.

And, ladies and gentlemen, that's why our president's a genius. He figured out, almost by instinct (and I don't mean anything racial about that), what took a room full of highly educated graduate students one hour to ascertain.

Chad here.

I went to this progressive web site and took its quiz. It was child's play! Then again, I've honed my progressive skills over a lifetime. I bet most Amerikkans would fail seeing as how, despite our best efforts, we can't seem to overcome the influence of students' bourgeois parents in their upbringing (Although the number of People's History's [PHs to those in the know] I've been seeing in high schools is encouraging- maybe in the next administration, we can have a truly revolutionary curriculum.).

Anyways, I bet Nelson failed.

Chad here, accepting any right wing challenge.

Fascist Henry (named after capitalist exploiter Henry Ford, perhaps?) from Babalu, an extreme right-wing website dedicated to stripping away Cubans' excellent health care and education systems, asked the following question, an inquiry so ignorant that I'm willing to bet my PS3 that Henry is an authoritarian:

Chad, when are you going to get around to blogging about that chick in Houston who is campaigning for that Obama dude with a Cuban flag with Jim Morrison's face on it?

Well, you hateful nut: today, as a matter of fact. Let's get a few things out of the way. Women are not "chicks" and Jim Morrison was a profound poet and critic of society. I usually don't respond to people who diss the Doors (Henry probably listens to corporate rock like Foreigner or Puddle of Mud.), but I'll make an exception since you probably don't know any better. No excuses from now on, OK? What Henry's referring to is this hatchet job from the Bob Dole apologists at Fox:

First of all, how dare wingers criticize our heroes when I've seen, in news reports from reputable sources like Democracy Now!, not fascist propagandists like Fox, right wing politicians with pictures of Ronald Reagan, who forced a ketchup-only diet on oppressed children of color and was seconds away from obliterating the planet, and Libby Dole on their walls?

Poor Henry. I feel his frustration: The forces of light finally have somebody dynamic and exciting who can deliver the hate-free, just, enlightened world that Che gave the people of Cuba (and would have given Bolivia if CIA goons hadn't killed him.) and all Henry has is some broken-down former cold warrior who wants to throw his co-aged-Americans out on the street to beg for dog food while he laughs it up with corporate fat cats.

We can only hope (Hope! Finally, I can hope again. Thanks, Barack for giving me audacity to do so) that Barack Obama will do for Amerikkka what Che did for Cuba.

OK. I release you to read Nelson's fascist rants.

Chad here- talkin' truth to power:

As part of my continuing study of Amerikkan crimes against Latin-America, I've delved into the folk culture of Colombia, a country struggling to unseat the Amerikkan puppet government of Álvaro Uribe, a bitter foe of progressive poverty-fighter and empire-slayer Hugo Chavez.

As I was telling my exploited bell-hop about his upcoming deliverance- when empire-resistors Venezuela and Iran join forces with our companeros in my graduate seminar to wage anti-imperial peace- I heard him say something about maleta (and comemierda, which must be some sort of Colombian word of understanding and appreciation). Wouldn't you know it? At that moment, a Colombian song with the same word played on the television.

The message is so clear that I barely have to use my deconstructive skills. On one level, the video is about female empowerment, with the womyn of color fighting the patriarchal society under which they suffer. "It's your turn to be pummeled," say (or mean, as they still must operate in subversive mode until the people's victory) the womyn, "and you cannot keep us covered up- we aren't your possessions." The womyn dance in harmony and, to prove that only collective action can defeat the powers that are, assist each other in battle against the oppressor. No doubt, the womyn, free of the obsolete societal structures of the past, will marry each other.

I then noticed that the pig of a man wears a cowboy hat. He's George K.K.K. Beeazelbush! These Colombian patriots are willing to kick W and all of his imperial baggage out of their country. Run chickenhawk! One punch each for Cheney, Rumsfeld, and the rest of the gang. Yes, as the boxing metaphor suggests, it'll be violent, but what true change isn't?

If you didn't catch (Don't feel too bad; I've been analyzing art for years.) the cage-like structure around the women, the throwing of the book (probably Greenspan's ode to exploitation), and the ticker-tape explosion signifying the overthrow of the Amerikkkan-feudal financial system/inferno, watch it again. Until our deliverance, you're going to have to pick up these subtle signs.

I know after watching this message to the people, you'll want to visit Colombia and assist them in their struggle.

The bards of truth are Sonora Dinamita and the song is Saca la maleta. For more anti-imperial culture, check this one out.

The Iowans' chug-a-lugging of consumerist propaganda was a disgusting sight. They also lacked one decent comic book store.

Nelson wanted me to post on the facade of freedom brought to you by the good people at Haliburton and Exxon, the Iowa KKKaucases, so here I am.

Before I start, I'd like to prove my commitment to social justice by reminding everybody in my dorm that I forewent a killer X-Box tournament to fly to Iowa from Los Angeles (thanks, dad) and support the Green party. No Iowans may have showed up to our fluorescent-illuminated motel room, but we planted a seed, bother. I'm sure our cause will grow as more people become aware- the sheeple here just aren't ready yet.

I'll discuss all the great solutions we came up with later on my own blog, Bushisntonlylikehitlerhesworsre.blogspot.com. Right now, I'll slum with the mainstream:

Gravel and Kucinich

Gazing at me through my glossy Mac is the news that kkkorporate interests this evening conspired against two valiant knights for justice and strength (through surrender), Kucinich and Gravel, humiliating them and, by extension, every last decent person left in this police state we call a country.

Now, I admit that amongst the lesser-of-the-two-fascist parties, Kucinich was my choice, and I still love his positive recognition of Mexicans' right to exist, but I became intrigued with Gravel after he described, nay, triumphantly proclaimed, during his last debate, how he stuck it to the corporate swine in the credit card industry (Imagine how those pigs would squeal if we were all as brave!). "The man" didn't allow Gravel another opportunity to speak the truth to their power. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton recognizes the obscenity of drug companies charging for the peoples' medicines. She's a woman, a fact that scares the hell out of the patriarchy (I know that I've benefited, but I feel bad about it: I read every book on strong women, and, if my partner and I didn't advocate a zero-footprint existence and I succumbed to the siren song of corporate Amerikkka and got a job, I'd take my daughter to work). But, alas, she's for continuing George Beeazelbush and General Betray Us' genocide in Iraq (748,000,000 dead, according to my count) which cost her.

Edwards

Edwards is not only willing to fight the corporations keeping health care away from people, endangering us with their products, and taking resources away from a planet that needs it, but wants to save black men from extinction, a cause I'm very down with, and give voice to disenfranchised metrosexuals. The obvious lack of well-groomed Iowans prevented a first place finish in Iowa.

Obama

Which brings me to tonight's winner, Obama. Why? Obama simply offers more. You see, Edwards and Clinton are both for change which is great. With Obama, however, you get a new and improved change (the kind you can believe in) and hope- a two-fer as the quaintly regressive Iowans say.

Republikkkans

As for the Republicans, I guess the Bible-thumpers couldn't resist the prospect of another inquisition and chose Huckkkabee.

Romney, the corporate choice, probably promised even more innocent deaths than McCain who, in his younger years, tried to prevent the anti-colonial leader, Ho Chi Minh, from liberating south-east Asia.

I gotta go; I have a teach-in tomorrow and need to rehearse my righteous anger. You can now exit the light and bury your heads in Nelson's pit of lies.

Yes, thank you European slave masters for conquering North America and ravaging the land. As an "Indian" (my girlfriend is 1/4 Guatemalan), I'm indignant that the pale man has the echicuua (Quechua for chutzpah) to eat, this day, the same turkeys denied to the native nations of Tuwa ("America" in Hopi). We all know that the racists you call "pilgrims," who would have died without NT help, tricked the Indians with their white-dark magic, commercialism (NTs had no concept of ownership), fooling them into giving up their superior hunting and farming techniques.

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