Comrade Chad

Happy Birth of the Empire, capitalist pigs.

When in the course of human events, your country is taken over by oil corporations and their fascist, war-mongering lackeys, it’s time to give it up. How many people do we have to kill and oppress, resources pillage, and art to ruin before we come to our senses and call it quits? 231 years is enough, isn’t it?

Birthed by slave owners, gun-toting religious wackos, and reprobates, America has taken the world’s dignity, stopped real progress, perpetuated inequality and offered what in return? Heat lamps with which to keep warm our artificial, fat-laden foods cooked by underpaid virtual slaves without healthcare and consumed by flocks of sheep themselves herded by capitalist expectations to their own personal wage hell slaughter in their gas-guzzling SUVs?

I propose the following:

1. Go to the U.N. and offer what we've taken from world to the world community in exchange for forgiveness.

2. Have every American perform 40 hours of world service, according to their ability. I, for example, will teach people how to speak truth to power. Nine Inch Nails will rock. George Clooney will act, scientists will invent stuff or whatever they do, etc.

3. End the line of savagery by sterilizing every American with the name of “Bush” except for Kate who’s down with the program.

4. Try to avoid doing things that make people want to attack us.

Are you down?

Nine Inch Nails is:

What if this whole crusade's a charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood on which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Yeah!

With Teeth

Batman & Robin (Two-Disc Special Edition)

**Chad does not necessarily reflect the views of the Asymmetric staff.**