Comrade Chad

Cheer up comrades. Yes, it looks like Bush Corp. may be extinguishing the light of social justice Iraq (Chevron must have bribed gullible Iraqi Sheiks again), but there'll be more wars to lose. And, we'll be better prepared next time. I already have “we'll be getting into another Vietnam-like quagmire” macroed on my Mac and we can reuse the Abu Ghraib pictures. Even if Haliburton decides to deny indigenous Americans of their Empire-slaying Jedi Knight, Venezuelans, like Iraqis, are people of color. In fact, take away the suicide vest, and the guy in my “free Palestine” poster looks just like Santana.

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Happy Birth of the Empire, capitalist pigs.

When in the course of human events, your country is taken over by oil corporations and their fascist, war-mongering lackeys, it’s time to give it up. How many people do we have to kill and oppress, resources pillage, and art to ruin before we come to our senses and call it quits? 231 years is enough, isn’t it?

Birthed by slave owners, gun-toting religious wackos, and reprobates, America has taken the world’s dignity, stopped real progress, perpetuated inequality and offered what in return? Heat lamps with which to keep warm our artificial, fat-laden foods cooked by underpaid virtual slaves without healthcare and consumed by flocks of sheep themselves herded by capitalist expectations to their own personal wage hell slaughter in their gas-guzzling SUVs?

I propose the following:

1. Go to the U.N. and offer what we've taken from world to the world community in exchange for forgiveness.

2. Have every American perform 40 hours of world service, according to their ability. I, for example, will teach people how to speak truth to power. Nine Inch Nails will rock. George Clooney will act, scientists will invent stuff or whatever they do, etc.

3. End the line of savagery by sterilizing every American with the name of “Bush” except for Kate who’s down with the program.

4. Try to avoid doing things that make people want to attack us.

Are you down?

Nine Inch Nails is:

What if this whole crusade's a charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood on which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Yeah!

With Teeth

Batman & Robin (Two-Disc Special Edition)

**Chad does not necessarily reflect the views of the Asymmetric staff.**

Ok this is it. According to corporate lackey nguirado, some of the Iraqis have turned against their liberators and towards the imperial forces of Amerikkka. We need to act quickly before this spreads. Call your congressman and tell him he must vote to pull out of Iraq right yesterday. Everything's on the line for this one. If we don't leave now, the Haliburton mercenaries may start tightening their noose around the great nation of Iraq (populated mostly by people of color).

Think of the Iraqi children who will fall under the size H (for hegemony) boot of Imperial Amerikkkan storm troopers.

Think of those ragtag freedom fighters counting on us for our support.

If you need extra motivation, imagine all of the fascists on their way to Wal-Mart or church or wherever the heck they assemble to drink their cool aid stopping us in the street to tell us George Beeazelbush was right!

Imagine walking into class and the Frat boy next to you telling you "I told you so, bro."

I myself plan a consciousness raising ceremony at 12:00 next to the quad. I'll be reading a poem by poet XXX3 comparing bush to the bugs in Starship Troopers.

**The views of Comrade Chad do not necessarily reflect the view of the Asymmetric staff**