Comrade Chad

Nelson suggested I accompany him to the Amerikan Mind-control Center (AMC) and I accepted, as dad was mad at me and only fronted me enough cash for regular coffee. Upon arrival, I immediately noticed the difference between this temple to bourgeois consumerism and the cinema I usually attend. Instead of the in-tune socially conscious people I find at the Nuart, I sat amongst cretins who only thought of stuffing their face with the popcorn in their grubby hands and their minds with the mush on screen. No cool thick glasses with beat up sports coats and authentic jeans in this crowd. Nope. People wore things from Wal-mart; some even brought children! During the movie, I tried to explain how Amerika stole popcorn from the Native Americans, but instead of benefitting from my knowledge, they preferred to imbibe the lies projected on screen.

Anyways, Nelson picked The Nativity Story. “Great! I thought, now I have to sit next to some right-wing Christianist and hear the saliva trickle through his three teeth while he plays with his snakes.” I suggested to Nelson that we make-out just to see them freak, but he refused.

Right off the bat, I knew I was in for a propaganda-filled screed. My studies and consciousness-raising experiences inure me to any brainwashing, but what about the sheeple in the rest of the country? Are they going to fall for this? Of course! They’re Americans. The opening scene has Palestinian soldiers defending themselves from Zionist aggression by “slaughtering” newborn Jewish babies. Typical of the American media, the movie never mentions the slaughters perpetrated on innocent Palestinian babies by the IDF. Wouldn’t it have been fair to include a flash-forward to the under-reported Aytaroun massacres? This technique is not uncommon in more sophisticated French (redundant, I know) cinema-verite films.

The movie also sneaks in a plea for prayer in schools. In one scene, children are being indoctrinated into the Jewish myth by mindlessly, but blindly enthusiastically repeating Bible verses-no doubt skipping the first time God ordered Jews to practice genocide against innocent Palestinians. Pink Floyd is the proper model here.

After doing its best to destroy the dignity of children, The Nativity Story goes after women. The Mary of The Nativity Story could have made a bold statement by proudly announcing her pregnancy and deciding to raise her child independently of any man. Better yet, instead of impossibly having been impregnated by some mythical angel, how about a turkey baster? Not in puritanical Hollywood, she conforms to the religious fanatics of the day and marries Joseph who, in the movie “protects” Mary, suggesting to the boobs in the audience that women need men as a kind to shield them from reality. Couldn’t she have rejected her condition and gone back to worshiping the goddesses of her ancestors instead of the patriarchal Yahweh? And three wise MEN? The producers could have made room for at least one woman here. A truly wise woman like Janeane Garofalo would have been perfect.

The movie’s not all bad. In a brilliant move, The Nativity Story compares the fahter and son dynasty of Herod and Herod II with GHW Bush and his spawn, W Beeazelbush, correctly pointing out that genocidal maniacs never fall far from the tree, although the Herod of the movie has an easier time with the English language than our current despot. Continuing the allegory, the film-makers portray the three Wise Men as the ancient version the heroic Kennedy, Pelosi, and Reid, with both trios refusing to cooperate with their own corrupt and cruel Herod. I also appreciated the advocacy for a single-payer health-care system. Obviously lacking medical insurance, Mary travels from home to home seeking medical attention before giving birth in a substandard manger. (spoiler)The ancient Bush' domestic policies force Mary to flee the manger before the Clinton mandated 48 hours as well. Lastly, the Nativity Story advocates for the social sciences by trumpeting the importance of accurate census data.

Unlike Nelson, I refuse to demean art with a rating system, but I will say that fellow progressives will find things to enjoy in this movie. Christianists will also enjoy it-just not at the same level.

As a public service and sevice and so that my friends won't think I'm going soft, I present the eminent public atheist absalutely destroying some fascist fool.

**Comrade Chad does not reflect the views of Nelson Guirado**

Like most of you, I was lustily enjoying the Refascists sizzle in the oil of their own hypocrisy. All those years making people feel bad for enjoying nature and now, HA! Got you. One of the enlightened baristas here at Starbucks told me that the Foley scandal was just the tip of the iceberg. Hastert didn't say anything because he wanted a piece too, as did all of the other Refascists, and the only squabble was who was going first. It seems that as they tell America to zipper up, their zippers are falling faster than the milk factories they blow up in Iraq.

But today I was reading the blog at weonlytellthetruth.cp that the French are laughing at us. A French expert on American sexual repression mocked us for not realizing that worrying about the virtue of underage youth is actually a throwback to the age of patriarKy, when fathers tried to regulate their children's impulses. No regulation of impulses! Indeed, when don't Western men try to dominate nature. Before reason defeated darkness (White Album), men preferred women who were "pure" at the time of that most oppressive of boigouis ritual, marriage. Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that only the soaking rich could stay "pure." Everybody else had to participate in the sexual economy, creating a society of have virtues and have not virtues. Only when love is given freely to those who need it by those able to produce it will this tyranny of virtue end. Just look at the girl sitting in the soft chair (while I have to sit on the hard one) sipping her coffee, torturing me. If she would just buy into the future my torture would end. Instead, she might as well be Rumsfeld water-boarding innocent people of color. Cruel capital!

Ahem, well anyways, I think we should stop talking about Foley now. The thought of the French laughing at me gives me the willies.

Nelson, you finally got your comeuppance. How does social justice feel? Stings, doesn't it? After working tirelessly to oppress the masses by advocating cuts in taxes, people of color got fed up with living in silence and took what your kind has denied them. Yes, Nelson, the kids who you like to see starve during school lunch, grow up - and they grow up mad.

Why should your wife enjoy portable music when there are people, many of whom are poeple of color, walking around with the same 1000 songs and listening to the man snicker as they walk past, "look at that pathetic man; I bet he still uses the stock earphones." I bet that man doesn't realize that the stock headphones suck so much that the man he mocks can hear his desprecio(that's a little Spanish I picked up amongst the oppressed people of Cancun during spring break), as if they couldn't sense it anyways. Just wait, man. Go pick the high-hanging fruit of kkkorporate Amerika; you'll get yours.

And the gap keeps getting wider. The People's Commision on Social Justice just released a report stating that while the top 1% enjoy average iPod capacities of 60GB and growing, the bottom 33% struggle to fit all of their music on 4GB or less. Some on the low-end still use discmans. It's even worse worldwide. Americans account for just 5% of the Earth's population, but take up 89% of its digital music storage. No flash memory, no peace.

**Don't be offended. Comrade Chad's not real. Any resemblance to real people is coincidental**