Funnimetric

...it would look like this:

I took the Spike-TV show, "Deadliest Warriors," concept to the realm of the literally savage beast, where nature's fiercest engage in deadly combat not for glory or riches, but their very survival. As you know, in the show, an expert calculates the results by plugging data into a simulation program. An enactment of the results ends each episode.

For this, I had to heavily modify the program for animal combat. I added values for claws, teeth, "4X4" (legged) attacks, etc. I conducted experiments to find out the adaptability and intelligence of cats and dogs.

I then had my two actor-pets, Goldy and Mr. Bigglesworth, and another cat-dog acting team dramatize the simulation.

Results:

Cat's do very well with the upper ground, where they can swipe at the dogs. If the dog manages a takedown, however, its superior weight provides it with a decisive victory.

Cat, routed!

As you can see from the video above, Goldy pushes Mr. Bigglesworth around until Mr. B essentially "taps out," quitting and seeking cover. Worked up and perhaps not fully conscious of the rules, Goldy pursues. Fortunately, security, my daughter, manages to apprehend Goldy before damage was done.

Below, the tactical situation to the cat's advantage, we see the cat holding its own.

IRA vs. Taliban

...I'll build a cell in my back yard and take a couple of Guantanamo prisoners. It'll be a Pelau in Pico.

The Obama car is painted with eco-friendly dyes.

GM, under the guidance of car czar Ed Begley Jr. unveiled a prototype of the new Obama Car or O-car, an automobile designed by GM (Government Motors) with input from ACORN, labor unions, and the Santa Cruz Women's Study department. Special features include:

1. Runs on fetal stem cells.
2. Comes with choice of anti-Bush bumper stickers.
3. Radio pre-tuned to NPR, Native American ceremonial chants, and C-Span Book Talk. Unfortunately, this being a modern car, legacy technology like AM radio is unavailable.
4. GPS programmed with coffee houses, independent movie theaters, animation festivals, day care centers, modern art galleries, and other liberal points of interest. Comes with gender-neutral "yellowtooth" technology. The 12cm. screen plays public service announcements during stops and alerts readers to nearby protests and teach-ins.
5. Overhead pocket distributes both condoms and "denal dams."
6. "Gay friendly" center console.
7. Reverse OnStar monitors in-car conversations for "hate" speech.
8. Each car comes with a residence-independent drivers license.
9. Convenient storage compartments for Birkenstocks. piercings, and pot.
10. External camera automatically records all police interactions.
11. Metric system-only gauges.
12. Seats a village of 4.

The car is priced at 10% of an individual's yearly income. Those without income will receive a car subsidized by new taxes on guns, rosaries, Bibles, NASCAR tickets, the History channel, Tom Clancy books, and merit badges.

The California Supreme Court reached a compromise on same-sex marriage today, deciding to allow lesbians, but not male gay couples to marry.

The majority opinion was given by Chief Justice Ronald George summarized the majority position:

Chicks dig weddings. They like to pick the food, invites etc; make the guest list; get all gussied up. It would be hard for us to not give that to them. Lesbian relationships might actually be stronger, as they'd be able to avoid common pitfalls like one spouse leaving the toilet seat up.

Associate Justice Joyce Kennard dissented, anticipating problems:

Yes, we all like weddings, but what about Christmas time? Who's going to assemble the bikes for the kids?