Funnimetric

Conservatives saw:

Liberals saw:

Foregoing the traditional Star Spangled banner, Spinal Tap rehearses the opening song to Obama's convention speech:

One possible scenario presented below. Howard Dean is Michael Jackson. We see the PUMAs, die-hard Hillary Clinton supporters. James Carville comes out of the man hole. The guy in the knife fight isn't Obama, as you might imagine, but the "working class," "Catholic" Joe Biden, Obama's surrogate "scrapper." The kissed girl in the bar could be Nancy Pelosi or Kathleen Sebelius.

1. Sanjaya

2. Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth

3. Roseanne Barr

4. Bill Buckner

5. Edge

6. Duane Lee "Dog" Chapman

7. Larry Craig

8. Martha Stewart

9. Tommy Hilfiger

10. R. Kelley

11. Jack or Kelly Osbourne

12. Elayne Boosler

If the federation had found evidence that the gymnasts were underage, it could have affected four of China's medals. In addition to the team gold and He Kexin's gold on bars, Yang Yilin won bronze medals in the all-around and uneven bars.Chinese coach Lu Shanzhen told The Associated Press they gave the FIG new documents on Thursday to try to remove any doubts about He's age, including an old passport, residency card and her current ID card.

(I would put a pictures of Kexin up, but I don't want the government seizing my computer and putting me on some list.)

From here.

Without proof that she's underage, it's just a matter "He said, IOC said," in which case I think we have to accept He's documentation. After all, it's an official Chinese government ID card. You can't just buy those in an alley.

Seriously, when an American athlete cheats, it's on him. When a communist athlete cheats, it sullies the whole government if not society. And what people sell their soul for is telling. This isn't war, peace, or even money. It's just a darn medal!

I've always found John Edwards particularly grating. His pandering to the worst elements of American society: people who choose poverty (Yes, some have bad luck.), victimization perpetuaters, and criminals made me want to tear my hair out.

Speaking of which, it's a tough thing for normal men to stay faithful in our Maxim culture; can you imagine a man with as good a head of hair as Edwards? He must have been beating them off with a stick!

Which makes this whole story all the more puzzling: You might be the most powerful man in the world and you go for Rielle Hunter? Was Rosie O'Donnell unavailable? Did John Edwards not want to sleep with someone prettier than him? If Hunter worked at Walmart under a lecherous day manager, she'd be on the overnight shift at the loading dock.

Brujeria is "witchcraft." Here's Gran Combo.

The Master, Frank Sinatra, with Witchcraft.

My parents must be right about the power of santeria for that woman to have gotten around as much as she did: She slept with at least two other guys associated with the Edwards campaign! And Edwards' campaign was on a shoestring budget. If she were on Obama's staff, she probably would have weaved her way through Senator O's 300 foreign policy advisers by election time.

She combined her sleaziness with an admirable dedication to pro-life. Can you imagine Edwards' luck? He picks the one pro-life Democrat in North Carolina.

Lastly, John Edwards is upset that people are focusing on the 1% of his story which is a lie,

"Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public. When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough."

Wayward men, remember this line:

"99% of the points of physical contact I had with that woman were completely appropriate."

Story here.

Obama's seal having failed to make the desired impact, the Obama campaign came up with a gesture that they hope will come to symbolize what Obama will mean to this used-to-be/can-be great nation:

"Our goal is to see a crowd of 75,000 people at Obama's nomination speech holding their hands above their heads, fingers laced together in support of a new direction for this country, a renewed hope, and acceptance of responsibility for our future," says Rick Husong, owner of The Loyalty Inc. ... "We wanted to get involved some way," he says. So, the agency came up with their own symbol of hope and progress that also plays off Obama's name. "We thought, 'Let's try and start a movement where even while walking down the street, people would hold up the O and you would know that they were for Obama,' " says Husong.

Husong says that if one were to slightly compress the "O" symbol to more approximate the number "0," it can also represent how much domestic and foreign policy experience Barack Obama will bring to the White House.**

**I made the last paragraph up.

h/t Powerline.