Funnimetric

Superbowl 44 was quite pleasant. Not too many penalties or turnovers. A bold onside kick, which proved to be the momentum changer. Drew Brees gave a steady, Joe Montana-like performance.

The ads were sub-par. They weren't as funny as those in previous years. Megan Fox brought the sexiness factor to 0 all by herself after it plunged into negative territory with Betty White and dudes in their underwear.

She obviously wanted to disprove the ugly thumb rumors.

Instead of going through each one and rating them, as I did last year, I thought I'd just sit down and write about the ones I remember. I'd recall the best, worst, and most effective ones, right?

The Betty White ad was probably the worst, followed by the Super Bowl shuffle ad reprise, Kiss, and every Dorito commercial except the one with the bark collar:

Many other bad ones that left no impact.

The Tim Tebow ad successfully made NOW and Planned Parenthood look silly for opposing a very innocent ad that really said nothing. It merely invited people to learn more about pro-life issues at the Focus on the Family website. So, a big score for the forces of life.

As for social trends, the quiet (lest our wives hear) backlash against feminism was present, again. Remember last year when guys hurt themselves and said, "I'm good," and the Heineken beer closet commercials? Whereas last year's guy ads celebrated mens' goofiness; this year, men were urged to "wear the pants":

Even if this doesn't lead to real change in the dynamics of opposite-sex relationships, it's at least a recognition of a feeling that perhaps things aren't quite right.

Dodge, the dinosaur car company, celebrated the responsible male's life:

Dove, of all companies, released a paean to the good guy, bravo male:

There was another one, but I don't remember it.

The ad that has liberal control freaks up in arms is Audi Green Police. It taps into the growing sentiment that perhaps greeniness isn't motivated by a desire to address a real problem so much as by that old-fashioned drive to control human behavior, Liberal Fascism-style. This is the beginning of the end for the ideological environmental movement, my friends.

What's odd is that Audi mocks its customer base. Or, it isn't that Audi makes fun of extremist greens and them urges people to buy an 8-cylinder guzzler; they're selling a diesel car. Weird.

Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning by Jonah Goldberg

The Denny's chicken alert ad lacked social value, except for PETA, perhaps, but is the one that made me laugh the most.

LGZV (Lich, Ghoul, Zombie, Vampire) community leaders praised Obama's mention of the corpsed community. unSpokesman Keith Richards said that the acknowledgment was long past due, "some people don't even know we're alive...err...that we're here."

Richards also welcomed the decision to let the undead serve openly in the military, "The undead are amongst the best soldiers in the military today. Some of us won't stop attacking until our heads are blown off. We're essential in night ops. Vampires make great medics, under proper supervision. Werewolves only need a little special accommodation, and just one day a month." Richards went on to say that the next step is to modernize the chaplain corps, "We'd need some sound-proofed rooms. The howling gets a little intense at times."

...that "sometimes when you lose an arm, another sense takes over."

?

The Syfy channel has had such a positive reaction to the spelling change in its name (from the hoarily traditional Scifi) that it plans on doing it again. Syfy is currently considering Sigh Figh, CyFi, Tsi Phi, and the Cthulu-inspired S'nglui Ph'nglui.

President Dave Howe said that he might eschew all of those names and choose something that brings in a female demographic like XOXOXO or BFFi.

Syfy encourages consumer feedback.

So, the little woman and I are watching Batman Begins:

Wife: So, what did the bat give him?

Me: Where's my coffee? Huh?

Wife: When they bit him. What did he get?

Me: Huh?

Wife: Can he hear like a bat or fly or something?

Me: [look at her quizzically]

Wife: The bats bit him. What can he do now?

Me: Are you seriously saying that you think Batman has super powers? He's just a guy. A highly trained guy with stuff. Excuse me, I need to go out for some cigs.

Wife: You smoke?

Me: I guess we're both learning new things about each other.

I haven't gone home yet. What should I do?

The Dark Knight (+ BD Live) [Blu-ray]

Batman Begins [Blu-ray]

1. Forget health care. The president should commission a blue-ribbon panel on the decline in flight attendant quality. It's not that they're rude or wouldn't react like Bruce Willis in Die Hard; it's just that...errr...well, at one point I confused the one on this flight with my dad. It used to be that flying was a stimulating experience. Now, I can't tell the stewardesses apart from the ladies working as See's Candy. And, a bunch of them are guys, or somewhere in between. I don't know.

It's not all bad. The change to women who have gone through "the change" allows me to squeeze in more reading; blogging, at the moment.

Delta fliers can still watch this.

The prettiest stewardess I've ever seen was this lass who served on my trip from Maine to Ireland in 2004. What a trip!

2. I have a fascinating conversation with the person next to me 95% of the time I fly. I know what you're thinking and no, I'm not super-annoying (I think). This time, it was with a New York cardiologist originally from Pakistan, traveling with his wife, son, and new grand-daughter.

Really great person. Wonderful two-hour conversation. At one point, I asked him if he was like his father. He said, "no, my father was twice the man I was." He had recently gone to Mecca.

3. I bought a jacket from Pacific Trail. Love it! I forgot the phone clip for my Droid and was carrying it in my hand. Annoying. Then, I saw the picture below on my coat:

Probably not the most current phone design.

Problem solved! I just put it in there and was on my way. A pocket just for phones: Thanks, Pacific Trail.

4. CNN is still the default news channel. They still play it in the airports, even though Fox has twice the audience. The reason is that conservatives can tolerate liberal stations, if only out of habit, while liberals can't stand Fox.

5. The good thing about the east coast is that everything happens three hours earlier. Less waiting.

Die Hard Collection (Die Hard/ Die Hard 2: Die Harder/ Die Hard with a Vengeance/ Live Free or Die Hard) [Blu-ray]

Don "Moose" Lewis, founder of the world's second all-white basketball league in history (The NBA desegregated in 1950), the AABA, announced the league's first 12 teams today. They are:

1. Orlando Ofays.
2. Little Rock Crackers
3. Atlanta Honkies.
4. Jackson Burnt
5. Tallahassee Sheets.
6. Washington Grand Wizards
7. Utah Speed Metal
8. Montgomery Masters
9. Baton Rouge Necks
10. Boise The Man
11. Chapel Hill Billies
12. New York Ni**erstompers

The season will last two months and culminate in a championship to be held in April. The opening game will begin with a performance of Deutschland Uber Alles by the Lewis' wife and cousin, Anabel Lewis. The halftime show will feature a cross burning (fan participation encouraged), an unfree throw contest, and musical performance by Danzig.

To vote for league all-stars, fans will have to prove that they can read, that their grandfather voted in a previous all-star game, and pay a ballot tax of $10.00.

Asked why he chose to start the league, Lewis said that only allowing white players is the only way to assure a high quality of play, "all that jumping and dunking: it ruins the game for people who just like crisp passing and two-handed set shots."