Funnimetric

Link: http://mcdonalds.com

I've received countless emails such as the following:

Dear Nelson,

Tt's obvious to even the most newbie blogger that you enjoyed great success with women. since you're now married and we pose no threat to you, why don't share with us some of you secrets? Sincerely, Envious yet eager.

Yes. You're correct. It makes no sense now to keep them to myself. The cardinal rule of dating is return on investment. I won't go into detail, but with that in mind let me begin this soon-to-be regular feature by showing how, if the need arises, to economize your evening. Let's say your blind date is a combination of Rosie O'Dennell's mind with Rosie O'Donnell's body and face. You realize that this evening is going nowhere, but, being a gentleman, you feel obligated to feed her. What I recommend in this situation is what us lotharios (ret.) like to call the old give the follicle-avoid the shaft trick. Go to McDonald's (hopefully it's Tuesday with $.39 cheeseburgers, although that in itself may make this procedure unneccesary) and purchase something-the McRib is great. Sit down and eat. When you approach the last bite, place a hair inside the burger and take it back up to the register. Act shocked and disgusted, ut don't overdo it. Ashamed and scared, the manager will offer you another McRib which you will proceed to give to your date.

If you need any more advice, please email.