Funnimetric

Stung by criticism that his movie Apocalypto is unfairly harsh on Mayan civilization, Mel Gibson announced today the inclusion of a bonus disk with the upcoming Apocalypto DVD release called "Heebalypto," a short film intended to shed a more positive light on Mayan culture.

In Heebalypto, one of the lost tribes of Israel settles in the Americas where they eventually swindle the Mayans out of their best lands, forcing the Mayans to live in the worst parts of the jungle and purchasing even the Mayans' most sacred shrines -wholesale.

Hiram, a Jewish money lender, becomes lost searching for a dropped shekel. Forced to settle with a displaced Mayan tribe, Hiram begins to see the beauty of Mayan civilization and decides to turn his back on his own murderous culture. With the help of Mayan cartographers, Hiram eventually finds his way back to the Jews and attempts to teach his former civilization the way of the Maya, a sustainable lifestyle, in harmony with nature and stressing equality and justice.

The Pharisees murder Hiram, but many in the Jewish civilization realize the error of their ways and seek Mayan guidance. The Mayans not only forgive the Jews, but teach the Jews many valuable moral lessons. After the Mayans show the Jews how to set up a recycling center run completely by renewable sources of energy, the movie ends with an exchange of customs, although cultural rifts endure as a Mayan priest over-enthusiastically performs a bris and the Jews find that they're no good at Mayan basketball either.

Mel Gibson's Apocalypto (Widescreen Edition)

**just kidding. no angry emails,OK**