Funnimetric

After years of hard work, popular soda pop, Mr. Pibb has completed his doctorate in refreshment studies, earning the right to be called Dr. Pibb. Interviewed after the commencement address by pop elder-statesman RC Cola, Dr. Pibb made the following statement:

"I can't describe the joy I felt after the academy accepted my thesis (Refreshment and Medieval French Midwifery). I hope to use my degree to bring carbonated beverages to people around the globe."

Dr. Pibb did not address criticism that it was his ongoing envy of pop-rival that provided the motivation for his academic achievement.

Responding from a Chuck E. Cheese opening, Dr. Pepper said, "This is pretty pathetic. First, he didn't go to a real school; he went to a degree mill that would probably award a doctorate to Sam's Choice. Most of his courses were online, for crying out loud! Second, I don't know; he just sucks."

After the graduation ceremony, Dr. Pibb left for a well-deserved vacation with his long-time companion, Tab.

Dr. Pibb dressed for the occasion.