Funnimetric

Following the stunning success of Live Earth, pop stars from around the world have banded together for another series of worldwide concerts called RATT (Rock Against Tyranny and Terrorism). Bob Geldof made a statement announcing the event on Monday morning:

“Since many of the worst tyrants in the world don’t listen to military persuasion, we’re prepared to bring down the full force of Rock on their head. We’ll be invading their lands and spreading our message directly to their people. Once again, only the power of Rock can rescue the world from itself.”

Bob Geldof at the press conference.

Geldof said that he already has an impressive list of talent.

Madonna and Yusuf plan on performing a concert in the Gaza strip, calling for an end to suicide bombings and the kidnapping of Israeli soldiers. Madonna, who practices a strict form of Judaic worship called Kabbalah, has made the case for peaceful coexistence, saying that Israel has the right to exist and, being the only democracy in the region, can serve as a model to her neighbors.

Madonna is tired of Muslim extremism

Yusuf, for his part expressed shame that his fellow Muslims cause such mindless destruction.

Wolfmother and Toni Collette, who plan on performing in Iran, say that they’ve agreed to participate because it’s about time Iran stop threatening Israel and the world with nuclear weapons and start giving their people some freedom. Also performing in Iran will be Nine Inch Nails, who announced the adaptation of their anti-Bush song, The Hand That Feeds, for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whom they consider a greater threat to peace than George Bush:

What if this whole crusade's a charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood on which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

“I really think that the world would be helped if Mahmoud Ahmadinejad were impeached. Certainly, Iraq would be better off and the rest of the Middle East can breathe a sigh of relief.”

Shakira, Sting, and Snoop Dog say they felt compelled to perform in Cuba to denounce Fidel Castro and his freedom-less dictatorship. “We’re not down with Castro’s homey Hizzle Chizzle spreading hate around his crib,” said Snoop Dog.

Shakira who’s from neighboring Colombia added, “Chavez has closed the last independent radio station and is helping the cruel FARC and other terrorist groups like Hezbollah. I want to devote my talents to raise... his...his, what do say it,.. consciousness.”

In a press conference, Sting said that it would be hypocritical for him to denounce Apartheid in South Africa and Pinochet in Chile without saying anything about Castro, “I have a message in a bottle for Castro and it’s ‘give these people liberty.’ If Castro doesn’t accept this plea, I’m breaking that bottle, with the help of ordinary Cubans, over his head.

Janet Jackson and the Black-Eyed Peas plan to protest the Taliban’s oppression of women by some well-timed “wardrobe malfunctions" in the Taliban stronghold of Kandahar “I’ll give them something to cut off," said Fergie.

James Hetfield of Metallica volunteered what he calls his "Axe of Justice (his guitar) in North Korea. “I think it’s horrible what Kim is doing to his people. Plus, that guy uses Limewire like I don’t have to eat.”

The concert is set to be broadcast worldwide sometime in December.

Hetfield and his "Axe of Justice."