Funnimetric

In a speech in front of the trailer park a mere 240 miles from his mansion, John Edwards insisted he knows why America's poor suffer from obesity rates far higher than middle class Americans and announced a new policy initiative to solve the problem,

"Republicans budget cuts have made it impossible for the poor people of America to be thin. Today, only the rich can hire personal trainers, read diet books, and buy the latest exercise equipment. The only thing poor people can do is sit at home, eat, and watch the same old DVDs. We need a 'war on low-income obesity.' In an Edwards administration, every poor person would get a visit from a licensed fitness trainer- not just the guy down the block who subscribes to Men's Health- and nutrition experts as well as receive one of those Tony Little Gazelle things."

When asked by a reporter why some wealthy people like Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell are overweight, Edwards replied, "Sometimes people identify so much with the disadvantaged that they take on some of their habits. I understand where they're coming from. Sometimes I love the poor so much that I hop into my El Camino, go to the McDizzle, get me some Big Macs, and wash it down with a forty or some Cool Aid."

A chicken in every broiler and a Gazelle in every driveway.

Edwards gets a good workout walking around his 28,000 square foot home.