Funnimetric

A poll conducted over a three-day period clearly indicates that the public is in no mood to "die hard," preferring, instead, to "live free," with 89% of the public choosing the latter. Only five per cent would prefer to die hard and four per cent were undecided. Two per cent didn't understand the question. The poll has a margin of error of four points. Asked why people chose to live free, professor John Jenkins, author of Americans, Freedom Loving Death Haters- How Americans' Love of Life has Influenced North America and What it Means for the Future of UCLA responded with:

Frankly, I wasn't surprised with the results. I think Americans have been conditioned from birth to desire free living to difficult deaths. This is nothing new to me, as I've researched this phenomenon for years.

According to terrorist and BBC news analyst Khaled Abdul-Fattah Dawoud Mahmoud al-Mashhadani, former second in command of Al Qaeda, the poll is unreliable:

"First of all, the poll only takes into account those infidels with telephone service. Also, a lot of the life-hating population was probably working."

Most people would rather be all sweaty and covered in filth than to die.