Funnimetric

Asymmetric has come across a confidential Google memo sent to members of its board that warns the search behemoth's board members that it may not be able to keep up with the explosion of web pages on the World Wide Web.

The problem is the lack of spiders (sometimes mistakenly referred to as "bots,") the mechanism by which Google collects and organizes web content or, more specifically, the lack of spider riders, the hyper-specialized manners of the spiders. It seems that the riders' high casualty rates combined with the lengthy training process have crippled Google's ability to disperse its Spider fleet.

Possible solutions proposed in the memo includes contracting spider-riding from Indonesia, recruiting riders from high-altitude regions like Bolivia, boosting rider morale through frequent rotations scanning porn sites, and developing an un-manned robot capable of gathering information through the use of remote control.

John Mitcham prepares to leave the Google garage for a search of cooking recipes, unaware that this ride would prove to be his last; his spider collided with an AOL spider shortly after launch.

Google scientist Gloria Jimenez prepares an unmanned Google spider prototype, Googly 3, for testing.