Funnimetric

Rosie O'Donnell escorts Al Gore to the Rebellion's ceremony stage.

Today, at the Massassi Temple at the hidden Rebel base on Yavin 4, Princess Leia Organa presented the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Vice President Al Gore for his efforts in stopping universal warming:

Distinguished Rebel Alliance leaders, brave warriors, ladies and gentlemen; In honor of Mr. Gore's tireless service protecting the universe from warming and helping to stop the Emperor and Lord Dick Cheney from spreading their imperial tentacles around the world, we present the rebellion's highest honor, the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Vice-President Al Gore. Oh, and I don't want to add to the problem, but Al's bulge is making me H-O-T! Whooo!

Princess Leia presented Al Gore with the Medal of Honor.

Al Gore acceptanced the award:

I'm honored to have been chosen for this award. I've won Oscars and Nobels, but, in many ways, this one, because it shows that beings around the galaxy are concerned about excessive heat, is the most meaningful to me. In return, I'd like to present the rebellion with my latest inventions: the lightsaber, X-Wing fighter, and something I like to call the "speeder."

In an after-ceremony party, Venezuelan President (for life) Hugo Chavez said:

Al Gore is a great man. If the corporate mafia hadn't paid the Supreme Court to appoint the Satanic BeazulBush, there's no doubt he'd have saved Alderaan from its fate.

Michael Moore also spoke:

What is this, ham? Man it's enough to make me join the Empire. Is this thing on? Oh. Yes, If Al Gore were president, our health care system would have those cool robot-doctors, saving us millions. It's sad that a rag tag collection of rebels can have robot-doctors while the most powerful nation on Earth makes allergy commercials. I mean, did you see the job they did on Luke's hand?

Barry Lynn, of the American United for Separation of Church and State struck the only discordant note by objecting to the constant references to the Force:

It's an ancient superstition. Might as well thank the Spaghetti Monster. Ouch! What's that stinging in my neck? aaaackaa