Funnimetric

Hillary Clinton Campaign aid, Nancy Johnson, crowns Miss China.

Sanya, Hainan island province, China:

Dozens of Miss World contestants descended upon the temporary offices of the Miss World Pageant in Sanya, China demanding that Zhang Zi Lin, the 2007 winner be disqualified for cheating.

When pageant organizers closed compound, Miss Mexico took it upon herself to climb the fence and unlock the door to let the others in. Miss U.S.A., South Carolinian Lauren Caitlin Upton, got lost anyways and asked a street vendor to see the "King of Siam." Miss Cuba swam over to the American embassy in search of answers.

According to Giada Wiltshire, Miss Italy, the day before the swimsuit competition, Miss China presented the other contestants with a "People's Princess," a popular Chinese, Barbie-inspired doll. Soon after playing with the dolls, many of the contestants complained of skin irritations and other ailments characteristic of lead poisoning. The only girls who went on stage the next day were Miss Poland who thought the blotchy patches on her skin were part of the costume and Miss Saudi Arabia whose Burka covered up the problem areas, effectively eliminating the rest of the field.

Follow up:

Miss Italy Giada Wiltshire

Asymmetric interviewed several contestants over the phone and received the following comments:

Miss France: "I had some questions early on, but I thought I saw Ms. Germany glaring at me so I just gave up. Who cares, right?"

Miss Venezuela: "Personally, I think Miss U.S.A. did it in an effort to expand her beauty hegemony around the world."

Daily Kos blogger Markos Zuniga echoed Miss Venezuela's concerns and insisted that George Bush be impeached, "This one goes strait to the top."

In other pageant news, many pageant audience members report still being stunned after witnessing Miss North Korea's on-the-spot beheading following a slip and fall in the evening gown competition.

Miss North Korea performing in the talent competition before the beheading.