Funnimetric

Waiting for a table: Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, and former Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qureia. "We should have gotten here earlier," quipped Abbas to a smiling Olmert.

The International House of Pancakes (IHOP) resuscitated the stalled Middle East peace process by agreeing to send a high level envoy to the recently initiated Annapolis, Maryland peace summit. The IHOP council reversed an earlier decision after Palestinian officials agreed to renounce terrorism and recognize Israel.

Mr. Timmerman, IHOP secretary:

Frankly, we were tied up with the whole Iran nukes thing, but the Ayatollah- we didn't deal with Ahmadinejad because of some hygiene issues- promised to give up the little buggers so we can run this Middle East thing up the flag pole. I will warn the parties to wrap this up quick because Turkey and Venezuela are getting colicy, and that Kim Jong what's his face [Il] is cruising for a diplomatic bruising. I think Putin's spiking his maple syrup again too. Ahh, what a bunch of a-holes- Dang! Just thinking about makes me want to toss my waffles.

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas expressed gratitude to IHOP, "Mr. Timmers from IHOP has helped me see my Jewish brothers' point of view. I hope they accept my apology for all of those missiles.

Israeli president Ehud Olmert also expressed hope, "Yes, I see. Palestinians have feelings too...and sometimes they hurt."

A preliminary meeting mostly went well except for a flare up between Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad and American secretary of state Condoleezza Rice. According to IHOP waitress who asked that we refer to her as "Flo," Rice asked Assad to stop staring at her boots. When Assad refused, Rice put one of her bacon strips on his plate. A minute later, Assad unknowingly ate a strip of bacon with his special-order Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity, "The Bi*** set me up" was his reply at which point Rice responded with "Tell your proctologist that the boot's a size "8" before he takes it out of your a**, bia***."

IHOP security wait as Condoleezza Rice apologizes for "the incident."

Mr. Timmerman intervened, "Bash, go take a time out in that booth over there and you better stop waving your head at me, Condi. Sheesh, I might as well have held the meeting at the Chuck E. Cheese."