Funnimetric

I was all set to go on Dancing with the Stars with my partner, the lovely Victoria Principal, when the producer knocks on my door and tells me that my Charleston-Jazz-Waltz fusion, the one that took me over three years to perfect, was canceled.

"What do you mean? I auditioned it, and you guys said that it wasn't too Avant-garde for American audiences."

"Look, you're great," he told me, "but those pants'll never pass the censors."

Dejected, I went over to Victoria's dressing room and broke the news to her. We cried for a while, but vowed to come back- leaner, meaner, and stronger. I'm sorry I let my Asymmetric fans down. I'm also sorry we live in such an unenlightened country where a man can't wear the pants that reflect his soul- as well as most of the light in the room.

C'mon, Puritans, it's almost 2008.