Funnimetric

Trust me, you don't want to see that glare up close.

I recently received the following email:

Please can you tell me how to make personal e-mail contact with Angelina Jolie because that is my only wish for new year.
Hope to hear good news from you. Happy new year.
Best regards
Jovan B*****
Serbia, Belgrade

To prevent further emails soliciting the same information, I've decided to respond publicly:

Jovan,

Thanks for visiting Asymmetric and I hope things are well in Serbia. Unfortunately, Angelina and I have had something of a falling-out and I don't feel it would be right to give out her personal email while were repairing this unfortunate rift.

I admit the whole thing was my fault. During a dinner party with some of our closest friends, I, as I'm wont to do, began teasing some of the guests. Unfortunately, I fear that I broached some subjects that I shouldn't have. Everybody has their sensitive points, I guess. Here's some hints if you aspire to "it" boy status:

1. Don't mention Angelina's mole on her neck. Also don't say, "Wow, I can hardly notice that Billy Bob Thornton tattoo. That cream really must work."

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2. Don't enter the bathroom of a Hollywood party without knocking.

3. Don't ever ever ever say you think Al Gore is wrong about global warming.

4. Don't ask Angie...sorry, Angelina to do one of her accents and then ask, "Which one was that?"

Thanks. I'll let you know when I get on her good side again.

Nelson

Asymmetric