Funnimetric

General Motors (GM /PowerRating) unveiled a plan to halt its steep sales decline with larger and more "relevant" dealer lot gorillas.

Chairman & Chief Executive Officer G. Richard Wagoner, Jr. explained:

"We knew we had to do something fast. We decided to get back to basics. No more space aliens or Barneys-from now on, huge menacing gorillas."

Analyst Juan Fulano of the Casesa Shapiro Group in New York thought it was a good first step, but felt GM needed to do much more in order to get into the black:

"Standardizing marketing is always a good idea; it helps to build a brand. Honda has been successful with the whole "quality" thing. GM wants people to associate GM with huge, powerful (yet sympathetic and nurturing) beasts. I think they can pull it off. Still, younger, trendier buyers aren't as interested in inflatable creatures as much as the older generation. Maybe if they combine the gorillas with an indoor disco ball."

Some industry insiders, however, fear that GM might set off an inflatable gorilla war. The confident Wagoner answered concerns by practically begged rivals to do so: "Toyota wants to go toe-to-toe with our gorillas- I say bring it on!"