Funnimetric

I always found John Edwards grating. His accent was bad enough, but his pandering to people who choose poverty (yes, some have bad luck.), victimization perpetuaters, and criminals made me want to tear my hair out.

Speaking of which, it's a tough thing for normal men to stay faithful in our Maxim culture: can you imagine a man with as good a head of hair as Edwards? He must beat them off with a stick!

Which makes this whole story all the more puzzling. You might be the most powerful man in the world and you go for Rielle Hunter? Was Rosie O'Donnell unavailable? Did John Edwards not want to sleep with someone prettier than him? If Hunter worked at Walmart under a lecherous day manager, she'd be on the overnight shift at the loading dock.

Brujeria is "witchcraft." Here's Gran Combo.

The Master, Frank Sinatra, with Witchcraft.

My parents must be right about the power of santeria. Ms. Hunter slept with at least two other guys associated with the Edwards campaign. And Edwards' campaign was on a shoestring budget: If she were on Obama's staff, she probably would have weaved her way through Senator O's 300 foreign policy advisers by election time.

She combined her sleaziness with an admirable dedication to pro-life. Can you imagine Edwards' luck? He picks the one pro-life Democrat in North Carolina.

Lastly, John Edwards is upset that people are focusing on the 1% of his story which is a lie,

"Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public. When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough."

Wayward men, remember this line:

"99% of the times I touched that woman were completely innocent."

Story here.