Funnimetric

Colonel Mitchell and Tayla solve an Atlantian crisis on their Dell laptops.

Dear Sci-Fi apologist;

I noticed that Stargate command and its international successor, the IOC, use Dell computers, exclusively. Specifically, I've seen Dell Inspiron 1525s and XPS m1530s. Is there a legitimate reason for this or is the Dell exclusivity a sign of IOC corruption?

Sincerely,

Anti-product placement activist.

Dear APPA;

Because your question isn't as stupid as the inanities that usually flood my inbox like a tribble infestation on a Federation starship manned by careless extras, I decided to take time out from my research to investigate.

At first, I too suspected Dell of bribing certain members of the IOC (The French delegate would hand his own mother to the Goa'uld.), but I've been assured that the regular audits and strict bidding rules put in place after the IOC's Naqahdah for food scandal have prevented such abuse.

I then called in some of favors owed to me at the SGC for my work in wormhole event synchronization and learned that their Dell preference isn't an accident. As any non-USC alumnus knows, many consumer advancements have their origin in military research- GPS and Tang to name just a few. Well, during the early naughts, the SGC sought to harden its computer systems against Goa'uld attack. One of the devised defenses against the Goa'uld hand device was a computer screen which would reflect instead of absorb Hand Device energy. Dell later introduced this breakthrough into the consumer market as "Truelife."*

Osiris uses her hand device.

Now, you're thinking (Some of you do, occasionally.): "What about Atlantis: There are no Goa'uld in the Pegasus galaxy."

Pegasus is populated by Wraith whose weapons aren't based on light photons, but concussive proton (Not strictly, but I understand that not everybody who reads this blog has a doctorate in physics like myself.) particles.

The capable, if over-rated, science officer Rodney McKay anticipates a loss of memory in the video log (episode) "Tabula Rasa."

Dell's dominance in the Pegasus galaxy was the result of a purely financial decision on the part of the OIC. In 2003, Dell outsourced its technical phone support to M7G-677, a planet in the Pegasus galaxy inhabited by whiz-kid children whose accents come closest to the neutral Canadian preferred by Dell and Atlantis customers and whose planet, un-ironically, has very lax labor laws. IOC bean counters calculated a huge savings in toll charges.

Dr. McKay wrote a crack for the shareware program Autom8 that McKay uses to monitor the critical systems in the Ancient city of Atlantis to extend its trial period beyond thirty days.

*This name turns out to be a sort of inside joke. Goa'uld, as you know, are the "true life" behind the human host.