Funnimetric

Obama discussing new government program.

President Obama told reporters today that he was "deeply troubled" by actor Christian Bale's outburst on the set of Bale's upcoming movie, Terminator: Salvation:

"Like many Americans, I was shocked and deeply troubled by Mr. Bale's inexcusable outburst. It bothers me that actors are berating hard-working Americans while taking money set aside to help Americans get through this economic crisis with at least a couple of decent comic book movies. This reprehensible behavior isn't what Americans signed up for, and my administration won't stand for it. Today, I signed an executive order. My aide will tell you what's in it. David? [steps aside]:

[David Axelrod]:

-Limit actors' pay to $500,000 per movie. Actors who do stunts, have to gain or lose weight, or portray a disabled American will be eligible for bonuses.

-Have on-site OSHA personnel and specially trained anger management counselors ready to head off any potentially anger-growing issues on the set.

-We know that we've failed our children over the last eight years in manners. Therefore, we've proposed 50 billion dollars, in honor of the 50th anniversary of the great Latino singer, Richie Valens,' death, for early niceness education. ACORN workers will drive to your home in fuel efficient vehicles and take your child to the local niceness repository for training.

[Axelrod leaves and Obama returns]

To oversee this program, I will appoint a niceness czar. Ladies and gentlemen, Rosie O'Donnell."

Christian bale below: