Funnimetric

Bucking the trend towards discounted services, a new chain of upscale check cashing stores has opened locations in major cities throughout the nation.

Walk into an Espèces Chalet and you're greeted by one of the long-legged "cash attendants." She might bring you an expresso as you use the leather-trimmed, Alexa Stamatiou-adorned ATM. Checks are cashed at the concierge desk where you can also ask about the latest, hottest clubs and night spots.

Manager Roland says that business has been brisk, "The French name helps a lot. We're getting a lot of Hollywood customers as word spreads. Margot Kidder's right over there. She was in Superman."

Indeed, during our time there, we saw Wesley Snipes, Lindsay Lohan, MC Hammer and other stars come in for what's becoming the famous "Chalet treatment."

Asked why those in need of his financial services wouldn't just use online services that provide cash loans, Roland, a distinguished-looking gentleman with a hard-to-place European or perhaps Salvadorean accent said that some people are accustomed to being waited on, and they expect that level of service in even the most mundane tasks: "They can cash a check anywhere, but in other places, it's just a business transaction. Here, it's an experience."

Papparazzi outside of the Especes Chalet sometimes encounter hostile celebrities. One of the starwatchers recounted a particularly nasty run-in with Gary Coleman, where the Different Strokes star allegedly kicked a photographer in the shins, "He might have grown up in luxury, but he's a tough little dude. You have to admire his loyalty to Dana Plato, though."

For those of you planning on rubbing elbows with the "non-banked chic," you're out of luck. Services are by appointment only and clients are recommended.

"It's not snobby. It's part of the dream. That's what great about America. One day you're working on a farm in Iowa and the next you're paying 25% interest on a $500.00 loan to buy sunglasses and a winter coat," said a certain star of the long-running series Night Court who asked not to be identified, "I don't want to be mean, but I've had some stalkers. Lots, if fact. A whole bunch. Probably more than a lot of stars. Really."

Experts are divided on the future of Especes Chalet, but one thing is obvious: the famous still need to hock their wedding rings; they just do it in style.

Beyonce escorts Emmanuel Lewis to the Chalet. Sometimes stars just want to be seen.

The Chalet is always busy when residual checks are cut for Small Wonder: "Who'd have thunk that that little robot chick would be a stripper. She seemed so disciplined," remarked a patron.