Funnimetric

Don "Moose" Lewis, founder of the world's second all-white basketball league in history (The NBA desegregated in 1950), the AABA, announced the league's first 12 teams today. They are:

1. Orlando Ofays.
2. Little Rock Crackers
3. Atlanta Honkies.
4. Jackson Burnt
5. Tallahassee Sheets.
6. Washington Grand Wizards
7. Utah Speed Metal
8. Montgomery Masters
9. Baton Rouge Necks
10. Boise The Man
11. Chapel Hill Billies
12. New York Ni**erstompers

The season will last two months and culminate in a championship to be held in April. The opening game will begin with a performance of Deutschland Uber Alles by the Lewis' wife and cousin, Anabel Lewis. The halftime show will feature a cross burning (fan participation encouraged), an unfree throw contest, and musical performance by Danzig.

To vote for league all-stars, fans will have to prove that they can read, that their grandfather voted in a previous all-star game, and pay a ballot tax of $10.00.

Asked why he chose to start the league, Lewis said that only allowing white players is the only way to assure a high quality of play, "all that jumping and dunking: it ruins the game for people who just like crisp passing and two-handed set shots."