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Protester in Honolulu Hawaii burn Durham's effigy

Inspired by presidential candidate Barack Obama's speech on race, thousands of enraged protesters marched on the home of Madelyn Dunham, Obama's maternal grandmother. Nervous residents of normally sedate Honolulu, Hawaii barricaded their homes and the Hawaiian governor called the National Guard as the crowd overturned cars and burned Madelyn Dunham in effigy:

"She's a divisive figure. She's insensitive. She made Obama cringe!" said Obama supporter Chad Thurston.

"Her comments forced Obama to question who he was," said professional peace activist and barista Mary Howell, "Now, she must pay!"

Pastor John Peters addressed the crowd, accusing Durham of developing a more severe strain of common cold, going to predominantly black neighborhoods, and intentionally coughing on people, "I said, 'when you gonna stop coughing, devil.' Little did I know."

Obama spokeswoman Judith Moon called Durham a "monster," a comment that Obama distanced himself from later in the day:

"Look, the lady's a racist. Is she a monster? No. In fact, she may have done us a favor by exposing the America's racism-inflicted wound. It's going to take a unifying figure to heal it. Somebody with hope and dedication to change. It would help if that person were multi-racial like me, but, listen, I don't want to make the historical significance of my candidacy an issue."

Things calmed down after authorities rolled in a jumbotron and played a video of Obama urging calm, "I understand your frustration. The last eight years of failed policies can lead even the most peaceful people to murder and destroy. You don't have health care- you're sick. Your bosses are mean. No homes. We're going to be in Iraq for 400 years. But, this is not the way-we need healing. Once I'm president, there'll be enough change so that you won't have to wallow in your hopelessness. Be patient."