Matatouille - Thought, Opinion, Nonsense, Etc.

A few nights ago, on Dennis Miller's radio show, they were discussing the best concerts ever, you know, one of those theoretical conversations, as if you could go back in time and go to them, which would be the best to go to.

And his sidekick instead chose a historic event, I forget what. It was kinda jokey. But it made me think of cool historic events to be there for.

I guess like most people I'm a little myopic, so I divided them into the coolest Jewish moments (might be interesting for Christian Bible buffs too) and coolest moments in "regular" history (as opposed to the irregular Jewish kind.)

I'll start with the Jewish ones, then post the "regular" history ones.

And with no further ado, the coolest moments in Jewish history are (drum-roll please):

1. Splitting of the Red Sea - Single coolest moment in Jewish History.

2. Receiving of the 10 commandments at Mount Sinai - This has to tie for coolest. The Bible says that they heard the sights and saw the sounds, or something to that effect. How cool is that?

3.The Sacrificing of Isaac - Wouldn't you like to see the angel stop Abraham just in time?

4. Jacob and his sons in the war against the local tribes after they destroyed Shechem - Obscure, I know. You have to go into the Midrash to find it. But apparently, Jacob and his 12 sons defeated over 5 thousand men in battle over the course of a week. Naftali could run super fast. Yehuda could roar like a lion. Really. The 12 brothers as cartoon heros. You probably don't even believe me, it's so cool.

5. King David's Court - Any good moment would be cool, but perhaps the coolest would be when he finally brought the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem after rescuing it from the Philistines.

6. David slaying Goliath - Kind of a no brainer. Don't you think?

7. King Solomon's Court - He wasn't just wise. He could order demons around. Who wouldn't want to see that?

8. Ezekial raising the bones - He didn't just raise the dead. He raised about 30,000. I don't even think he broke a sweat. He's like the inverse Clint Eastwood.

9. Samson in battle - The one where he slew all those Philistines with nothing but the jawbone of an ass. No, not a jerk, a donkey. Come on, concentrate.

10. Pinchas slaying Zimri and Cosbi - In another obscure Biblical moment, a prince of Israel commits a public act of immorality, which starts a plague. As thousands die, only Pinchas (who I affectionately call Spearchucker) has the presence of mind to slay the sinning couple, ending the plague. The first zealot. Not the best example for the kids, but a true, and truly bizarre hero.

That's it for now kids.

Matt Lipeles