Matatouille - Thought, Opinion, Nonsense, Etc.

I wrote a posting complaining about my name the other day. But almost immediately, it occurred to me that perhaps I was being a tad disrespectful to my parents.

I'm a believer, so dissing the folks doesn't seem like such a great idea to me.

But the name thing made me think about the whole subject of respecting one's parents. Since psychology has become so popular and religion less so, blaming your parents for your problems seems to have become just short of an Olympic sport these days.

A lot of biblical/religious concepts are really paradoxical, so it's easy to see how they can be misunderstood. (That happens when you don't actually want to understand. Take a look at politics. Happens all the time.)

There are people out there who grew up with, let's say, less than dedicated parents. Let's say you're one of them. Let's say your father was in prison and your mother was... disinterested.

Well, they still gave you life. That's really the crux of the whole thing. No matter how bad your parents were, they brought you into this world (with a nice assist from above). So even if they were awful, you wouldn't be here if it weren't for them.

Now, let's say you are more like most other people. You had good parents, but like everyone else living, they had flaws. They tried to raise you right, got you decent clothes, books, birthday and holiday presents; they drove you to soccer or whatever, fixed your teeth, maybe even payed for college. When you were bad, or got bad grades, they punished you. And since they were imperfect, since you've been to therapy a few times, they made a mistake or two that you have to deal with. You have trouble with relationships, or you have trouble making money, or whatever, and you think you can logically link it back to something they said or did.

Look, if this sounds anything like your situation, you have awesome parents. Really. I know what bad parenting is like. I'm a teacher. I have kids who stay out all night or fail all their classes and their parents don't say anything. That's bad parenting.

I had a student who used to skip my class half the time, and never did her work. One day, I took up a note she wrote about having sex with a guy. I called her parents. They said it was her decision. She was 14. But then when I threw her out of class for making a cell phone call in class, her father got very upset. That's bad parenting.

But even in a case like that, you can still honor your parents. Honoring your parents does not mean you have to be like them. It does not mean you take all their advice. It just means you try to be nice to them, that you're not rude to them, that you try to make them proud, that you help them if they need help.

It's somewhat paradoxical, I know, when you don't actually want to be like your parents, or your parents are messed up, to try to honor them. It can be difficult sometimes. But most of the time, it's not that hard.

And if it really is true that your parents screwed you up somehow, join the club. It's hard to be a parent, and easy to screw up your kids in some way you're not even aware of, specially in regards to relationships. But that doesn't mean they're bad parents. That just means they're human beings. Would you prefer to be raised by wolves? Trust me, you're better off with who you've got.