Movie and Television Reviews

**no stars since the budget for this movie could have fed the city of Managua for a year**

I’m puzzled by the fact that the three most difficult movies for me to understand (ever) are the ones that make up the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. I wouldn’t think three movies intended for the select demographic of men and women from ages nine to ninety-three would be beyond my intellectual grasp, but there it is.

I’ve devoted some time to the issue and have come up with two possibilities: One, that I’m an idiot (maybe, or it could just be a coincidence) or two, that the makers of Pirates of the Caribbean tolerated a high degree of convolution in the storyline. Considering the talent and financing available to the producers, I wonder how much beyond their budget a coherent script would have taken them. Perhaps they figured that the audience would be so entertained by Jack Sparrow’s comic lurches and turns of phrase; and the monkeys; falling eyeballs; and the two very attractive leads that they could scrimp on the writing. Or, maybe it was an experiment to find out how confusing a Disney made pirate movie had to be in order not to gross three hundred million dollars.

The movie starts off well enough with some credits…and a fight… then a rescue from a place in Singapore….and then they have to find some heart…with a compass, I think….so that a British guy can’t fight the pirates who…want to do something… and then they…trade sides back and forth on different ships…until they release a love-sick goddess who turns into a million crabs because she wants to help the pirates avenge… something…and then she loved a guy who wanted Jack Sparrow… because…I forget. I remember they fight at the end and somebody wins. ..I think, because somebody important dies too. I think they mentioned a black pearl too, but I forgot where it goes. I know I’m forgetting something…Ahh, Yes. The elf has to save his father.

I don’t know whether it was good or not. I wanted to leave, so I guess not. And, that's saying something considering that Keira Knightly is in it. The movie might win an academy award for costume design because it takes place in the past which means old-fashioned dresses, the kind academy voters dig the most.

Politics/message

When the British decide to crack down on piracy, they suspend habeas corpus, two words 99% of the public never heard before it was featured on Good Morning America. I suppose the writer's are suggesting that Bush is close to executing children since that's what the British do in one scene. Thank God for Nancy Pelosi!

In the war between the pirates and the British, I think we're supposed to root for the pirates. I've always had a negative impression of pirates, but maybe I was just brainwashed to think pirates were bad. I know that I'll never stereotype pirates again. Go Pirates!

Credits below:

Follow up:

Directed by
Gore Verbinski

Writing credits
(WGA)
Ted Elliott (written by) &
Terry Rossio (written by)

Ted Elliott (characters) &
Terry Rossio (characters) and
Stuart Beattie (characters) and
Jay Wolpert (characters)

Cast (in credits order)

Johnny Depp ... Jack Sparrow

Geoffrey Rush ... Barbossa

Orlando Bloom ... Will Turner

Keira Knightley ... Elizabeth Swann

Jack Davenport ... Norrington

Bill Nighy ... Davy Jones

Jonathan Pryce ... Governor Weatherby Swann

Lee Arenberg ... Pintel

Mackenzie Crook ... Ragetti

Kevin McNally ... Gibbs (as Kevin R. McNally)

David Bailie ... Cotton

Stellan Skarsgård ... 'Bootstrap' Bill Turner

Tom Hollander ... Lord Cutler Beckett

Naomie Harris ... Tia Dalma

Martin Klebba ... Marty
David Schofield ... Mercer

Lauren Maher ... Scarlett

Dermot Keaney ... Maccus/Dutchman

Clive Ashborn ... Koleniko/Dutchman

Winston Ellis ... Palifico/Dutchman
Christopher Adamson ... Jimmy Legs/Dutchman
Andy Beckwith ... Clacker/Dutchman

Jonathan Linsley ... Ogilvey/Dutchman

Yun-Fat Chow ... Captain Sao Feng (as Chow Yun-Fat)
Keith Richards ... Captain Teague
Ghassan Massoud ... Captain Ammand

Hakeem Kae-Kazim ... Captain Jocard

Dominic Scott Kay ... Young Will Turner

Vanessa Branch ... Giselle
Reggie Lee ... Tai Huang

Marshall Manesh ... Sumbhajee
Angus Barnett ... Mullroy
Giles New ... Murtogg

Takayo Fischer ... Mistress Ching
Marcel Iures ... Captain Chevalle

Sergio Calderón ... Captain Vallenueva
James Lancaster ... EITC Agent
Toru Tanaka Jr. ... Tattoo Pirate
Edwin Habacon ... Mushroom Ear
Albert 'Sumo' Lee ... Bathhouse Pirate

Tyler Tuione ... Boiler Room Attendant
Larry Leong ... Steng

Greg Ellis ... Officer

Brendyn Bell ... Cabin Boy

Ho-Kwan Tse ... Hadras

Peter Donald Badalamenti II ... Penrod

Marc Joseph ... Quittance

Chris Symonds ... Two Head #1

Michael Symonds ... Two Head #2
Humberto Fernández Tristan ... Vallenueva’s Aide

Omid Djalili ... Askay/Pusasn
Lawrence Cummings ... Singing Gallows Pirate

Chris M. Allport ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Jim Raycroft ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Robert Hovencamp ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Geoffrey Alch ... Singing Gallows Pirate

Ned Wertimer ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Samela A. Beasom ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Jessica-Elisabeth ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Caesar Peters ... Singing Gallows Pirate
Robert Elmore ... Executioner

Mark Hildreth ... Cryer

Matthew Wolf ... Endeavor Officer

JB Blanc ... Clerk

Kimo Keoke ... Pirate
Rick Mali ... Pirate

David Prak ... Pirate
Henry T. Yamada ... Pirate
Jonathan Limbo ... Pirate
Mick Gallagher ... Pirate
Shioung Shin Li ... Pirate

Huynh Quang ... Pirate

Ronnie Cruz ... Pirate
Thomas Isao Morinaka ... Pirate
Lidet Viravong ... Pirate
Ova Saopeng ... Pirate
Stuart Wong ... Pirate (as Stuart 'Phoenix' Wong)
rest of cast listed alphabetically:

Jason T. Little ... Eitc 2nd lieutenant
Roberto Santana ... Ammand/Jocard/World Pirate

Produced by
Jerry Bruckheimer .... producer
Bruce Hendricks .... executive producer
Peter Kohn .... associate producer
Eric McLeod .... executive producer
Chad Oman .... executive producer
Pat Sandston .... associate producer
Mike Stenson .... executive producer