Movie and Television Reviews

Using an exclusive-to-Asymmetric algorithm, I can predict both the plot and message of Hollywood movies with 90% accuracy. Let me demonstrate. I have not seen either movie:

Doubt, starring Meryl Streep. The synopsis:

John Patrick Shanley brings his play 'Doubt' to the screen, in a story about the quest for truth, the forces of change, and the devastating consequences of blind justice in an age defined by moral conviction.

It's 1964, St. Nicholas in the Bronx. A vibrant, charismatic priest, Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman), is trying to upend the school's strict customs, which have long been fiercely guarded by Sister Aloysius Beauvier (Meryl Streep), the iron-gloved Principal who believes in the power of fear and discipline. The winds of political change are sweeping through the country, and, indeed, the school has just accepted its first black student, Donald Miller. But when Sister James (Amy Adams), a hopeful innocent, shares with Sister Aloysius her suspicion that Father Flynn is paying too much personal attention to Donald, Sister Aloysius is galvanized to begin a crusade to both unearth the truth and expunge Flynn from the school. Now, without a shred of proof or evidence except her moral certainty, Sister Aloysius locks into a battle of wills with Father Flynn, a battle that threatens to tear apart the Church and school with devastating consequences.

This one's hard because you have two forces which Big Hollywood dislikes equally, religion and institutional standards. Race is added, which would seem to make it easier, but the black child can either be an innocent victim of the priest or somebody who brings out the Church's or community's racism, which the mean nun could represent, so it's a wash. It would help if the priest were the first black one in an all-white neighborhood and the old nun accuses him of paying special attention to a white boy. Better still: If the priest were struggling with his sexual orientation, we'd know he's innocent. No such luck here, however.

The decisive line is, "political change." Anybody in the movies opposed to political change in the 1960s is automatically suspect. The only contradiction to this rule is Forrest Gump which made audiences spit out their drinks because a square in the Army is more noble than an anti-war protester.

Also, Sister Aloysius Beauvier is "iron-gloved" and Hollywood hates discipline unless somebody's teaching outcast or discounted kids how to play chess or basketball, or debate.

Verdict: Father Flynn is innocent.

The next movie is Revolutionary Road. Synopsis:

Titanic shipmates Kathy Bates, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Kate Winslet step onboard for director Sam Mendes' tale of suburban malaise in 1950s-era Connecticut. Adapted from the classic 1961 novel by author Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road tells the tale of a young Connecticut couple whose once-idealistic relationship steadily deteriorates into a ceaseless cycle of petty jealousy and bickering as they strive to retain their independence in the conformity-obsessed world of picket fences and perfectly manicured lawns. Ever since they first met, Frank (DiCaprio) and April (Winslet) saw themselves as special and different. They strive to form their relationship around higher ideals, though upon moving into their new home on Revolutionary Road, the defiant couple pledges never to be confined by the social conventions of the era. As time passes, however, Frank and April gradually become the very thing that they both feared most -- a typical suburban family complete with abandoned dreams and faded hopes. Frank loses his nerve after taking a comfortable job with a reliable salary, and April morphs into an unsatisfied homemaker desperate for passion and excitement. But April's independent spirit hasn't been suffocated just yet, and when she hatches a plan to head for Paris, her need to escape at all costs stands in direct contrast to Frank's desire to hold on to what they already have.

This one is as predictable as the Passion play at the Crystal Cathedral. A "serious" movie can't be set in the fifties and have cool people be content living then-conventional lives.

The reason is quite simple: The fifties were a "conservative" time so they must be discredited. Women could not have been happy raising children- they took Valium or lived lives of quiet desperation. Traditional men were either abusers or secretly gay.

"Yes! they had low divorce and crime, but they didn't have good sex, were unfulfilled, and only had monochromatic art."

Even some fun movies like Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull have to take a swipe at "red-baiters." Apparently, Steven Spielberg (genius) doesn't see the irony in making fun of people for believing in conspiracies while his plot revolves around a Communist conspiracy.

The director of Revolutionary Road and Kate Winslet's husband, Sam Mendes (I'm sure Mr. Mendes' view of marriage as a place between the fifth and sixth circle of Hell is very comforting to Ms. Winslet.), is famous for American Beauty where a gay couple and weirdo Emo kid are normal and healthy while the typical dad and Marine neighbor are sexually and homosexually repressed, respectively, with the latter being a homicidal maniac.

Another example of this desperate revisionism is Pleasantville.

Verdict: Whatever happens, I can guarantee that they don't live happily-ever-after by settling down and approximating decent behavior.

Pleasantville (New Line Platinum Series)

American Beauty (Widescreen Edition)

Forrest Gump (Two-Disc Special Collector's Edition)

Indiana Jones - The Complete Adventure Collection (Raiders of the Lost Ark/ Temple of Doom/ Last Crusade/ Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)